1/31/2005

New State Quarters



Can you pick the real penny?

Can you pick the real penny?
Take a look, and see if you can choose the right penny. NO cheating; do not look at a real penny first. Click on the heading above to take the test.

Stuff you didn't necessarily want to know

The average cat food meal is equivalent to about five mice.

Democracy ala Johnny Carson

Washington Post's Style Invitational

Every year, Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer, dude.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

Complete Silliness

Politically Incorrect Joke

Greeks vs. Italians
A Greek and an Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.The Greek said, "We have the Parthenon."

The Italian said, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek said, "We had great Mathematicians."
The Italian said, "We had the Roman Empire," and so on and so on.
Then the Greek said: "We invented sex."

The Italian smiled and said, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

On Brooklyn's Avenue of Babel, Cultures Entwine

"Ladies and gentlemen, climb aboard the B68 bus and brace yourself for the ride of a lifetime down Coney Island Avenue, Brooklyn's Boulevard of Wonders."

From the NY Times

Killer Shades

17 September 2003
San Francisco, California

Barry Bonds had just made the last out at the bottom of the eighth inning. By coincidence, Todd Edward Adams, a Hawaiian surfer dude who had recently relocated to Santa Cruz for the gnarly waves at Maverick’s, was bumming the last beer from a new friend at the San Francisco Giants’ ballpark at the same time.

Todd was leaning back over the railing of the Arcade port walk, getting to the “bottom eighth” of a beer, when his Maui Jim* designer sunglasses slipped off the top of his head. Down they fell, landing twenty-five feet below, where a helpful bum picked them up and tried to toss them back. But it was too far! Todd called out that he was coming down to get them. His wife, Kathy, described Todd as “a passionate surfer” talented enough to turn pro. Perhaps his sense of physical prowess was his downfall.

The agile 38-year-old briefly considered the long walk down, and then came up with an alternative. He climbed over the railing, jumped to perch on a light sconce five feet below, then dropped like Tarzan to the ground, gratefully reclaiming his shades from the bum.

At least, that was the plan, and the first part, climbing the railing,went fine. The second part was more problematic. Todd missed the sconce and “came down like a pancake,” according to a startled observer a few feet from the point of impact. The crowd was shocked into silence.

Why would anyone take such a chance for a pair of shades? Todd would have been chagrined to hear the observer’s next words. “They looked cheap,” he said, apologizing, “I don’t know sunglasses brands.”

-confirmed (San Francisco Examiner, Santa Cruz Sentinal, San Jose MercuryNews)

1/29/2005

Posting Comments

"...non-Blogger users can leave comments by clicking on the 'or post anonymously' link. "

1/28/2005

Hot Gossip for EEI Alumni

The Saga of Jackie and Wesley - A True Story

I think everybody knows that Wesley and Jackie got married a few months ago. And that they've been fighting ever since. (Ever since they met, actually.) Here's some recent developments:

They've been living with her mother since they got married, because Jackie wouldn't live in Wesley's house because he picked it out with a previous girlfriend.

She finally agreed to move into his house recently.

After they moved, Wesley had to go to Oklahoma to sell some cows.

When he returned, Jackie had moved out, disappeared, and he has no idea where she is.

She took half of everything with her. Including two of the four kitchen chairs. Half of all his dress pants. And, in an inspired bit of malice, one sock out of every pair.

He's reportedly been going to work in mismatched socks ever since.

She says it's final, it's over, because she's sick of him working so much. I guess she never noticed how much he worked in the what, three years?, that they dated before they got married.

There, doesn't that brighten up your weekend?

Arm and a Leg



From Harper's

"Tid-bit found while surfing: Performers in the inaugural parade, including marching bands, bell ringers, and Civil War re-enactors, were instructed not to look directly at Bush as they pass the parade stand, nor to make any sudden moves.
Sounds like a page from the "Dictators Security Handbook" to me . . . . "

Email from my dad...

The Master of His Domain....

They "observed Clark from their darkened bedroom for 10 or 15 minutes -- also using binoculars and a telescope -- before summoning the police"

um, okay. And they weren't charged with voyeurism because...?

The Canons of Courting

Or, eight simple rules for dating my teenage daughter
BY MICHAEL SERAZIO

In which fundamentalist fathers, rendered impotent by a secular world, attempt to regain control over uppity women - starting with their daughters.

Pro-Life Baby Killers

If it's Wednesday, anti-abortion protesters in Waco must be out there working hard to raise money for...Planned Parenthood.

Little Black Lies

By PAUL KRUGMAN President Bush's claim that we must privatize Social Security to avert an imminent crisis has evidently fallen flat. So now he's playing the race card.

From the NY Times

Music

Over to your right, I've recently posted several links to some very eclectic internet radio stations.

Jon Stewart for President in 2008

Lengthy but worth it. They're only half-way joking.

CANADA BUSY SENDING BACK BUSH-DODGERS

Funny Political Humor By Joe Blundo Columbus Dispatch columnist, morning edition -- November 16, 2004

Ottawa, Canada: The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The re-election ofPresident Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossingtheir fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay."

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," anOntario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps.The president is determined to reach out."

Psalm for our times

Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.He restoreth my fears.He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war, I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.Thou preparest an agenda of deception in the presence of thy religion.Thou anointest my head with foreign oil.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of thy term,

And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.

The Baptist Cowgirl

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. "Hasn't affected my sisters though.

1/27/2005

Can You Dig It?

If you saw him on American Idol last Tuesday, you're dying to see him again. If you didn't see him on AI, you NEED to see him. The one, the only, the incomparable Leroy Wells! Click the heading to see Leroy in action!

CAN YOU DIG IT?


Tiger

An 8-month-old male Sumatran tiger cub enjoys the first snow of the year at the National Zoo.(Ann Batdorf, National Zoo/AP Photo)








Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing

A Primer on Parent Cruelty
Warning - this will suck you in. You'll look up and suddenly realize it's 3 a.m. and you still need to look at just one more example of extreme stupidity. It will also make you want to roll over and die, when you see who's going to be running the country when you're retired.

E-Mail Updates of Congressional Ayes and Nays

By DANIEL TERDIMAN GovTrack differentiates itself from other sites devoted to Congress both by being free and by being fresh: it sends users e-mail updates anytime there's activity on legislation they want to monitor.

Mr. Potato Head gone nuts

Always, Darkness Visible

IN January 1945, 60 years ago today, the wheels of destruction in Auschwitz stood still.

SBC Said to Be in Talks to Buy AT&T

This is a horrible, horrible thing. SBC cost the company I work for a direct cost of $1,000.00 that we had to pay another company to do their job, and we had a potential loss of hundreds of thousands of dollars, due to their being a week and a half late getting our e-mail/internet up and running. Their response when we complained was "It's not our problem".

60 Companies Plan to Sponsor Health Coverage for Uninsured

From the NY Times. Not nearly as promising as it sounds.

Minn. Group Denounces 'Whorehouse Days'

Group in Minnesota Denounces Naming Town's Festival, 'Gilbert Whorehouse Days'

Just when you thought life was getting too serious.

Posting Comments

I emailed the help desk yesterday about why you are unable to post a comment here without signing up for you own blog. I'll keep you posted.

Scottish DUI Test

This has sound.

http://www.geocities.com/odonnellsni/duitestscottish.mpeg

Cool search engine!

This new search engine has a Business Yellow Pages section that will show you a photograph of the business you look up. It's still in the early stages, so they only have photos of a few cities, but it's kind of cool.

Here's the article:

http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory?id=446492

Here's the search engine - click on the icon for Yellow Pages up at the top. (It worked the first time I tried it, but they've been having server problems the last few minutes.)

http://a9.com/

1/26/2005

After the Brothel - click here

Editorial about sexual slavery in Thailand and elsewhere. From the NY Times, so you'll have to register if you haven't already, but it's worth it. They don't send you spam, and they have info I don't see on the broadcast network's news pages.

It figures


I hate thinking up titles

These are funny, check them out (the sound is important):

Going Home Friday
http://www.geocities.com/odonnellsni/goinghomefriday.mpeg

Going to Work Monday
http://www.geocities.com/odonnellsni/goingtoworkmonday.mpeg

Lost in the Shuffle

Yesterday's Robert Burns' Birthday Celebration was so frenzied and all-encompassing that someone else's birthday was not properly acknowledged. And of course she's whining about it, because that's what she does best. So, here's a belated "Happy 47th Birthday" wish to Melanie Whiner!


Song you don't want to listen to while you eat breakfast (click here)

got the link above in an email, but this is apparently the album it's from:
http://www.banned-width.com/shel/misc/truckdrivin.html

Cat


I can see up your nose! - Photo by Scott Bland

1/25/2005

New way to buy music

http://www.yourmusic.com/enroll/

This is from a music club from BMG, but it's a concept I haven't seen before - you subscribe for $5.99 a month, and give them a list of albums you want. Each month they send you the next one on your list for the $5.99 you're paying. In addition, you can buy as many others as you want every month, for $5.99 each. (Double albums are $11.99). If you don't have anything on your list, you get charged the $5.99 per month anyway. You can cancel and reactivate at any time. If you're still buying entire albums rather than burning songs off the internet, this might be worth checking out.

Shopping List

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she
selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,

a carton of eggs,

a quart of orange juice,

a head of romaine lettuce,

a 2 lb. can of coffee,

and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

Has a Cancer Vaccine Been Found?

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/wireStory?id=439251

Howard

A farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 12 opened the door.
"Is yer Paw home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the farmer, "is yer Maw here?"
"No, sir, she ain't here neither, she went into town with Paw."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"He went with Maw and Paw."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Paw."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Paw. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Paw about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Paw charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."

Quote of the Day, Part II 1/25/05

"Pardon the hyperness, I had a lot of coffee...A LOT of coffee. I've been spitting out Beavis and Butthead lines like a withdrawn crackhead."

-Sharday Bolton-

I have visions of Whitney Houston writhing on the ground, moaning "I am Cornholio. I need TP!"

Quote of the Day 1/25/05

"Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns."

- Mitch Ratcliffe -

1/24/2005

Russian Cats

http://www.citycat.ru/cats/



Texas Cops Undress to Catch Prostitution

Texas Prosecutor Says Police Now Allowed to Undress in Prostitution Sting Operations

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=438754

Library Collections Find Home Online

Dusty to Digital: Many Library and Museum Collections Finding a New Home Online

http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory?id=438787

stuff

Food

http://www.greek-recipe.com/

Cartoons Sure Aren't What They Used To Be

From the NZ Herald:

Fans wait for Simpsons gay bombshell
24.01.05

Fans of Fox's groundbreaking animated comedy The Simpsons have been awaiting a bombshell this season. The show will reportedly "out" one of its characters as gay. Plenty of folks are hot and bothered by the guessing game going on, especially with online betting stop BetUS.com, which says it has taken more than 900 bets. Most bets are on Patty (Marge's sister has 4-5 odds) and Smithers (Mr Burns' way-too-faithful man-boy of a manservant has 4-1 odds). Some speculate that the Simpsons' devoutly Christian neighbour Ned Flanders may be the one who'll be outed. His odds are 15-1.
- - - - - - - - - -
I thought Smither's had already been outed. But maybe it's Willie the janitor? Perhaps the wee turtles knew something we didn't?

Simba News

Simba is non-cancerous! The vet said that his nose thing was some sort of allergy problem. Which is what I told them to begin with.

WTF?

Okay, I don't get this - I thought prostitution was legal in Nevada? So prostitution is legal, but lap dancers must not "engage in contact aimed at sexually arousing the customer"? What?
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/WaterCooler/wireStory?id=436905